Finding Parents

 

Finding Parents

Noah Nishihara HG E05

The ideas and creative decisions regarding narrative writing were developed by linking the five narrative elements after initial brain-storming. The main character of this story reflects my impression of a speaker at RAA Street Smart. He had thrown rocks at train windows while taking a short-cut to a destination. One rock hit him back by chance, which he referred to as ‘karma’. He then fainted and had his body ‘cut’ by the train later on. He taught us to value choices andto argue less with people. His quote: ‘Yes, I am disabled.’ A person cannot be judged by appearance only. In the story I have attempted to incorporate some of the views people might have of disabled people.

The protagonist Jimmy is waiting for his family, but must help a lost child who is in unfortunate circumstances. The setting was inspired by one of the speaker’s stories.  The title provides greater focus on the child. It was attempted to focus the action into one situation or scene to fit the word limit. Clarity was attempted by proofreading the work. Description was used to create the setting; dialogue developed character dynamics. Action included the movement of Jimmy.Considering the word count, I made the decision of writing carefully, yet the expression was unclear in numerous instances. After fixing the pronouns to be closer to the nouns for the words to be specific, I realised the confusion caused by overuse of pronouns. The disabled protagonist, Jimmy, walks into the mall on a rainy day, and despite his short schedule, feels compelled to assist a child in finding his parents. The bullies make up the first complication; disappearance of Patrick, the second. Patrick has been portrayed almost like an object, yet the dialogue confirms that Patrick doesn’t require help but will later begin to trust Jimmy due to their similar circumstances. Jimmy doesn’t wish Patrick to become violent after the bullying, and gives a pinwheel to the child.

Initial brainstorming formed the foundation, and then addition of better material further developed the story’s depth. In future, I will allocate longer planning times to perfect the ideas.

The purpose of the story initially involved improving our understanding of disabled people. By contrast, the addition of a child and authority shifted the focus towards the necessity of kindness towards children, regardless of character.

I

t was one of the worst possible rainy days. The dull flicker of streetlamps barely lit the grimy, pollen-covered pavement. Everything was wet, dirty, and gray. The wind moaned quietly, timidly, as if afraid it might be forbidden to sing. Particle sized rain fought to enter Jimmy’s eyes as he hobbled swiftly, anxiously,towards the mall. People swept by around him, aware of his disability, relieved that they were spared the same fate. A girl picked up pieces of stationery by the sidewalk, obviously having had it knocked off her moments ago. No one assisted. Community was in the grip of hay fever.

The first breath of cool, scented air brushed against Jimmy as he moved his legs into the mall. As the sliding door slammed shut though, screams of the sort that is painful to any audience erupted from a child in front of Jimmy. It was a little boy, surrounded, as friends might form circular groups. Onlookers avoided the heavy and loutish boys. The boys dragged the child like a person moves a cushion sofa.

‘Stop!’

Jimmy’s resounding,thunderous voice shook the scene, and a crowd surrounded the bullies. Jimmy approached the crowd, but before uttering a word, the crowd dispersed, leaving only the little boy. Jimmy held out his hand for the boy. He led the child as they made a few steps into the mall. Suddenly, Jimmy’s wrist was twisted hard by the boy tripping over an uneven area of the floor.He recognised the medical condition, Gowers' sign,as the child used his arms to lift his body. Muscular dystrophy?

‘I’ll help you up.’

Jimmy approached the help desk with the boy, and felt themetallic body covered with a skin of wooden texture, the letters of ‘help’ standing like splinters.

Jimmy cleared his voice, and told the attendant, ‘I found this boy being assaulted at the entrance, and he’s probably lost.’

‘You may leave,’ said the attendant after a cursory glance. ‘We’ll ensure he finds his parents.’

‘No, I believe he was assaulted, and I must testify that,’ said Jimmy.

The attendant whispered to the assistant nearby, ‘I’m suspicious because that boy has signs of injury.’

‘Please wait awhile, as we have a broadcasting problem,’ the attendant told Jimmy.

Jimmy led the boy to a bench.

‘Don’t need help,’ the child blurted out.

Jimmy saw the child wasn’t unnerved at all, let alone cry.

‘How old are you?’ asked Jimmy.

‘Nine.’

Jimmy smiled as he discovered the boylooking at his missing limbs.

‘I lost my arm and leg, you know why?’Jimmy sighed. ‘It was a choice I’d made, smashing windows of a train out of uncontrolled anger.’

Jimmy gave the boy a small pinwheel from his coat pocket, hoping to alleviate aggressive emotions. As the child blew on it, a neatly dressed couple at the help desk counter turned to look at the child.

‘Take care,’ Jimmy said softly, expecting them to be the child’s parents.

The child stayed.

‘What’s your name?’

‘Patrick.’

Jimmy stared at the help desk, before feeling a jolt. He foundthat Patrick was no longer beside him.

Jimmy wandered around, hobbling, almost falling over when he came to the wrong exit. It occurred to him as odd to see no one about. Was an alarm raised? Jimmy entered a store entitled William’s, intending to have a drink. But on approaching the counter, he swallowed.

‘May I help you?’

The voice came from below. A figure rose, revealing a shop assistant’s head.Jimmy looked down quickly, no longer thirsty, and picked up a packet from the floor.

‘No, I just saw this on the floor, so…’

Outside, the exit sign-light failed. Doors slammed in the depths of the stores. Smoke rushed into his nostrils as he stopped short of hitting a couch.Fire, an emergency perhaps?Silence pushed her way over the shops. Jimmy stood there and did not move. Waves receded into the abyss of still stagnant air inits stale environment in the mall.

Jimmyrecognised the security guard, the suit flashing yellow in his eyes.

‘Come with mefor questioning,’ said the guard.

Jimmy thought the guard’s actions unnecessary. Jimmy turned, deciding to pursue his own prey.

‘Listen to me, you, impaired man!’ the guard shouted, his words clawing onto Jimmy’s back.

Jimmy’s blood froze.

‘Yes I am disabled,’ said Jimmy, turning. ‘But I can stand and walk very well.’

‘Where did you find that child?’ said the guard.

‘He’s gone, I found him when I came into the mall,’ said Jimmy. ‘He should be here, he doesn’t walk that fast.’

Walking in front of the guard, Jimmy pushed himself into William’s. The coffee stained air nauseating him as it enveloped his body.

Jimmy reached the counter, and a beaming face jumped up from behind it.

‘Patrick, where did you learn to do this?’ said the guard.

Jimmy raised his eyebrows. ‘You know this child too?’

‘Of course, I’m his father,’ said the guard. ‘I couldn’t leave him alone at home today.’

‘Welcome home, Dad.’

Word Count: 797